If you haven’t heard of the dating application Tinder yet, it’s time to get out from under that stupid rock you call an existence and listen up. For most of us, Tinder is a satisfyingly shallow method for judging the looks of complete strangers, or sometimes friends, which is equally, if not more, satisfying.
Similar to another site and application, Hot or Not, users decide whether or not they would fuck the person in the limited profile before them, swiping right for “Liked” and swiping left for “Nope.” Sure, sure, it might not be as black and white as fuck or chuck; many people download the app to find people to chat or flirt with, go on a date with, maybe even snag a kiss. The majority of girls I’ve talked to on Tinder joined “for fun,” or they “joined as a joke but it’s actually really addicting!!” Whatever the reason may be, Tinder has caught on.
I’ve been using the app for a couple months now. In that time, I’ve noticed certain reoccurring trends in women’s photos, styles of shooting that alert prospective guys and gals to skip that chick entirely. It should go without saying that the profile photo on your Tinder account should be what you consider to be an extremely flattering photo of you, it being the first thing people see when they come across your profile. And yet some people have some trouble with this simple reality.
Below I have collected nine big no-no’s for Tinder profile photos that may hopefully aid you in presenting yourself in the best light possible.
Let’s start with the basics, shall we?
- No photo of you/no photo at all Are you joking? This isn’t some masquerade ball where what you look like is some sexy mystery and you can get away with an over-the-pants handy on the dance floor. Show us your face or get the fuck out.
- Photo of anything other than you Again, we’re not here to check out your dog or some anime character you fancy yourself to resemble or a mountain you took a photo of and then stuck a filter on. See #1 for instructions.
- Myspace angles Y’all remember this shit… Girls holding cameras above them so high you’d swear they were trying to fix a lightbulb, peace sign thrown up, head cocked down for that perfect aerial shot of your jet–black, pink–tipped bangs. I bet you caused a lot of young testicles to drop while vying for the attention of that cute boy on your middle school’s basketball team. Grow up.
- Face covered/not fully on screen I don’t know how many girls I’ve seen with their hair draped over most of their face or pinched between their upper lip and nose (omgz look at me I have a mustache I’m so quirky). I’ve run into scuba masks, snowboarding goggles, those big hater-blockers that make girls look like bugs, the sun all but blocking out the girls entire head, and all too often half-a-face. Half-a-face just isn’t enough.
If you have successfully avoided the no-no’s above, congratulations! All prospective dates are thankful for your cooperation. The following nu-uh’s are less egregious, sometimes easily overlooked, but carry just as much weight in the process of selecting mates.
- Far shot When I have to search for you in a photo, I start searching for the “Nope” button.
- Face takes up entire photo The opposite is just as much of a turn off. When a girl’s face seems to devour the frame, I’ll usually let out a little “Augh! Shit,” before swiping that face outta here.
- One or Two photos, period If you can only muster up one or two good photos of yourself, it might be time to call in a professional photographer to up your photo game. If that one photo is really nice, you can possibly get away with it; when it’s combined with one of the mistakes in numbers 1 through 4 above, you’ve struck out.
- Only group photos Oh, that’s nice– you’re in a sorority. You must be a loyal sister, because you don’t want to leave a single girl out! When a guy looks at a group photo meant to show you off specifically, we become a bit pessimistic. It sounds rough, but even if it’s a photo of just three girls, we know which one you are: the ugliest.
- No body shots Did I mention Tinder was shallow? If there are no photos of your body on your profile, we have to resort to analyzing your neckline and arms to figure out your body type. Maybe this works to your advantage, or maybe the world is an unfair place. It’s okay if you’ve got a little poochie; many guys on here rock a pretty wicked beer belly, too. But we’ve got to know what you look like below the shoulders, okay?
So these points should provide you with a pretty comprehensive understanding of how to present yourself in photos on Tinder. Big takeaway: don’t hide! We want to know we’ve “Liked” the right person. I’d also like to discuss some personal observations regarding the biography section of profiles.
Bitches. Love. Adventures. “ATX.Kale.Sunshine.Yoga.Adventures.” “Looking for adventure buddies. ” “Need someone adventurous!” I don’t know where all these treasure maps and quests are falling from, but a lot of women need to stop hoarding all the adventure. “Let’s go on an adventure!” Bitch how bout we go downtown for a drink, you can forget your card at a bar and we can go on a magical hunt for it, how’s that for an adventure, Ms. Earhart? Ms. Robinson Fucking Crusoe?
Nothing. I honestly don’t have a problem with girls who want to fight pirates, really. What does bother me is when a girl cannot find a single thing to say about herself. All that tells a guy is that you may be an empty book, a blank page. I’m not saying you need to lay your cards on the table, but let us know what game you’re playing.
The double standard. “No short guys, thanks.” “I’m 5’7, swipe left if you’re shorter than that.” I don’t know when or how it became acceptable to write people off for their height and be so unabashed about it! Could you fucking imagine if guys wrote in their bios “No fat chicks”? Asshole alert! Maybe it has something to do with weight being something you can change and height being something you can’t? If anything I feel that makes it worse. There’s a whole article to be written on this alone . . . maybe that’s up next.
As a closing remark I’d like to stress that the majority of these critiques apply to the profile photo only, as it’s the absolute first impression of you they get. It’s not at all a problem to have your “back up” photos fall under the above categories. I love that you snowboard! Just let it be at least the second thing you choose to share.
So there’s an honest take on your Tinder account. Stay tuned for KP’s analysis of guy’s Tinder profiles and an anonymous “I started dating a guy on Tinder and now he lives with me” article coming soon.
Comment if you agree or disagree.